In America I blend. I am WASPy, blonde haired, blue eyed and was raised in a Christian household in Palm Beach. Does it get anymore stereotypical? I worked hard to distinguish myself from the same WASPy Palm Beach girl I was afraid of becoming. It wasn't the world I chose to grow up in, and I was constantly looking for new adventures to experience new parts of the world outside of the Palm Beach bubble. This year, that adventure is Turkey. As most of you know, I am on a Fulbright Fellowship in a small conservative town in Turkey called Duzce. Every single person I have met in my town is Sunni Muslim, with the exception of my roommate, who is Shiite, my other American Fulbrighter is who Christian and our friend from Belgian who is also Christian. But, we are all foreigners. Here, I stand out. I am always asked where I am from, and am usually welcomed with big smiles and homes bursting with food. The Christmas Season however, has been very different, and quite frankly extremely difficult for me. Being away from home is hard enough. This is my first Christmas alone, and it just plain sucks. I'm sure I'll have a nice time, but being away from familiy is certainly not ideal.
I digress. Here, like I said, I am noticed. I am an obvious minority. This isn't always a bad thing. In fact, with strangers, it is a great conversation starter. An opportunity to bridge cultural gaps. That was why I applied for a Fulbright in the first place. But as I begin to live my life, really live my life and truly integrate into the community, I feel as though I am drifting further and further away. My students always ask me, "Teacher, do you drink alcohol? Teacher do you have a boyfriend? Teacher are you Muslim?" When I reply no to the first question, they say "I don't believe you." When I reply no to the second question they drop it. It just isn't their business and they know it. But the third question is different. When I answer "no" to being a Muslim, they give me a look of pity and say...oh, which is accompanied with a look of sincere sadness and pity. When politics are brought up, I am apparently solely responsible for all America's political policies. I have to hear things like "American military kills babies. Americans are wrong in Iraq. Americans all love George Bush. Americans all drink alcohol on Christmas." My responses must be carefully chosen. For many, I am their only personal link to the 'Western World.' To read more, see my old post, about tough questions I get asked daily. The longer I stay, and the more integrated I become, the harder it gets. Once you get past the superficial differences, the tough questions begin.
Which brings us up to speed to the current problem. Tas and I decided to host a Christmas party for our university students. You know, to learn about the Christmas traditions in America, sans religiosity. We have been disappointed with the number of students interested, though. And we finally were informed as to why. There have been several people who have expressed the feeling that coming to a Christmas party would be wrong, as Muslims. This idea at first struck me as odd. Every language class that I was ever in, we always learned about their holidays and traditions, as it is very integral in every culture. Here, some students feel that it would be inappropriate to celebrate. There is a saying in Turkish "if you do as they do, you are as they are." I can definitely respect their opinions, especially from a religious point of view, but am sad that I am unable to share a part of my culture. Here, I am the minority. Here, I am out of the loop. Here, I hold no trump card. Here, life is different.
I can honestly say that until this year, truly, I didn't understand the minority struggle: the perspective you are forced to see. The ignorance that persists, and is often times pushed into your face, in the form of questions, and sometimes, as confrontations. It is only now, living, working and fighting for understanding as a minority, that I have begun to understand. To read just the opposite point of view, my roomie Tas, has beautifully phrased her own story: in the Frustration of No Longer Being a Minority.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one, guys.
I digress. Here, like I said, I am noticed. I am an obvious minority. This isn't always a bad thing. In fact, with strangers, it is a great conversation starter. An opportunity to bridge cultural gaps. That was why I applied for a Fulbright in the first place. But as I begin to live my life, really live my life and truly integrate into the community, I feel as though I am drifting further and further away. My students always ask me, "Teacher, do you drink alcohol? Teacher do you have a boyfriend? Teacher are you Muslim?" When I reply no to the first question, they say "I don't believe you." When I reply no to the second question they drop it. It just isn't their business and they know it. But the third question is different. When I answer "no" to being a Muslim, they give me a look of pity and say...oh, which is accompanied with a look of sincere sadness and pity. When politics are brought up, I am apparently solely responsible for all America's political policies. I have to hear things like "American military kills babies. Americans are wrong in Iraq. Americans all love George Bush. Americans all drink alcohol on Christmas." My responses must be carefully chosen. For many, I am their only personal link to the 'Western World.' To read more, see my old post, about tough questions I get asked daily. The longer I stay, and the more integrated I become, the harder it gets. Once you get past the superficial differences, the tough questions begin.
Which brings us up to speed to the current problem. Tas and I decided to host a Christmas party for our university students. You know, to learn about the Christmas traditions in America, sans religiosity. We have been disappointed with the number of students interested, though. And we finally were informed as to why. There have been several people who have expressed the feeling that coming to a Christmas party would be wrong, as Muslims. This idea at first struck me as odd. Every language class that I was ever in, we always learned about their holidays and traditions, as it is very integral in every culture. Here, some students feel that it would be inappropriate to celebrate. There is a saying in Turkish "if you do as they do, you are as they are." I can definitely respect their opinions, especially from a religious point of view, but am sad that I am unable to share a part of my culture. Here, I am the minority. Here, I am out of the loop. Here, I hold no trump card. Here, life is different.
I can honestly say that until this year, truly, I didn't understand the minority struggle: the perspective you are forced to see. The ignorance that persists, and is often times pushed into your face, in the form of questions, and sometimes, as confrontations. It is only now, living, working and fighting for understanding as a minority, that I have begun to understand. To read just the opposite point of view, my roomie Tas, has beautifully phrased her own story: in the Frustration of No Longer Being a Minority.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one, guys.
I really admire your honesty as well as your bravery, girl. I think traveling and living, even with the "uncomfortable" is what makes us grow. Sure, Italy is great for me, I have no complaints. But it doesn't grow me-change me-like teaching deaf in Vietnam did, or wandering the streets of Cairo with a complete stranger (who proved to be a "good Samaritan") I had to trust because he was the only one who spoke English (I still thank God for keeping me safe and alive that night!). I applaud you for the deep emotional experiences you are living and embracing, and I hope the discomfort you feel soon melts in your beautiful, open heart. Ciao bella!
ReplyDeleteThis has been me my entire life. After 9/11 and when Bush was actually President- terrible times. After being unofficial American ambassadors for decades, my family and I have coped with it by realizing that every kind thing we do and every action we take to prove people like this wrong will open their mind a tiny bit more. People won't always respond happily to this. Most people don't like to have their stereotypes and preconceived notions dis-proven. But either way, you are doing a great job as another one of America's unofficial ambassadors just by being the happy, wonderful, sensitive person that you are. There are a lot of American expats who perpetuate the negative stereotypes and the fact that you don't fit in with them, and that you show that you're different, is amazing. Be strong, my dear. You are doing important work just by being there.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all Sarah, in Turkey, America or anywhere in the world...you do NOT blend. You stand out and you SHINE. You always have.
ReplyDeleteThis is a time of year when you will have mixed emotions, so that is natural. I have traveled the world and lived in different places for long amounts of time as well. Nothing is like America. As worldly as I like to think I am, I will say it again...NOTHING is like the America. But what we also need to understand is that while being American totally works for us, it does not work for all other people. Being westernized is not what everyone wants or needs. I used to find this hard to believe but it is true.
It is a shame that your students feel prohibited to experience Christmas. What they don't understand is that you want to share the joy and tradition, not the religion. Maybe they don't have that kind of joy in what they do, so holidays are more like rituals than feelings. They are interested in us for other reasons, many of which we will not understand. And it seems that the questions come with judgement which is maybe the real bummer for you as judgement is not even on your radar. But thank God for that. That is your best quality, beautiful girl. Your ability to be open, to not judge, to accept with open arms, to root for the under dog and the misunderstood, to appreciate what is different and find the harmony for the difference. You are all of those things plus a gorgeous WASPy blonde from Palm Beach and you wear it well.
I will miss smiling at you in the front row this Christmas Eve service. But will send you all sorts of kick butt Jupiter First Christmas Eve vibes. I want you to know one thing that someone told me when I relocated to a new city that I loved one day and hated the next..."You can always come home". I would always put so much pressure on myself to stick it out as long as I could where ever I would be living at the time, to the point where sometimes it was just neurotic torture. But when I heard those simple words, it took a load off. Even if I stayed for years, just telling myself, "I can always go home" made it all better.
Merry Christmas, Sarah KC. You make us all proud to know you and easy to love you.
Michelle
Wow. Thank you for your amazingly kind comments! This Christmas has definitely been tough for me, but what makes it better is hearing things like that, that keep me going. Your kind words mean a lot. Lots of love on this Christmas eve's eve :)
ReplyDeleteSarah
It is insensitive to assume you understand the "minority struggle". To put it simply, you are a self-described WASP living in Turkey, you are not a gay black female living in the United States subject to multiple kinds of discrimination. Minority status, in a best case scenario like yours, comes in the form of "tough questions". More often there is no dialogue involved. There is the harsh reality of having to live with persistent forms of economic and structural inequality. That is the essence of the "minority struggle". These issues are contextual.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments. Anonymous, I hope I didn't offend anyone by suggesting that I "know all" or in someway understand all perspectives of minority struggles. Hardly. For me, being a minority has been more than tough questions...and I feel that assumptions, on either of our ends, are usually just that, assumptions. Do not go as far to assume I haven't encountered serious problems. I don't assume to understand your problems. Rather, I feel that I have been fortunate to been exposed to a different perspective, and with that perspective comes empathy for those who have experienced equal, or much worse.
ReplyDeleteFrom a second anonymous:
ReplyDeleteAs much as your optimistic attitude is to be admired, you do not experience structural inequality. There is simply no way your temporary "minority" experience abroad lives up to being on the negative end of entrenched power structures where you call home. It has nothing to do with how much we "assume" to know about you and your experiences. No doubt you have faced serious problems. But there is the fact that you are living abroad on a very privileged scholarship with a better salary than most Turks, and when you will go back to your home, your problems will be gone. Other minorities ARE already home.
true.touche
ReplyDelete