LOOK at ME!!!

Inevitably, in every culture there will be things I love and things I hate. Turkey is a glorious country but there is one thing that is driving me nuts. Nuts! Simply stated, men will not make eye contact with me. Don't get me wrong, if you read my earlier blogs, sexual harassment in Egypt was a huge problem for me. It usually is in the Middle East because of the blonde hair, blue eyes thing. In Turkey, it seems that I have the opposite problem.

In Turkey, the men much more respectful of women. I have not once seen a butt grab, someone get felt up, whistled at or cat-called in the streets- even in Istanbul. When I came here the first time from Egypt, I was shocked. And cautious. I kept waiting for it to happen. I'm still waiting. But the truth is, it is much more logical when seen through the perspective of Islam. Sexual harassment is not condoned in any religion, especially Islam. I was always confused at how men could claim piety and feel up foreign women. In Turkey, Islam has a different feel than in Egypt, Jordan and Israel/Palestine. Islam here feels more settled and less constraining, socially speaking. Though, in more conservative parts of Turkey, like my city, the religiosity continues to permeate the social and political realms. The men are so hyper-aware of gender roles and religious respect, the pendulum swings to the complete opposite side.

Egypt=intense sexual frustration with results of sexual harassment which is clearly in direct contradiction of Islamic teachings

vs. 

Turkey= religious respect so much so that no one will make eye contact with me

[Thanks to good 'ole Wikipedia] "In the Islamic faith, Muslims often lower their gaze and try not to focus on the opposite sex's faces and eyes after the initial first eye contact, other than their legitimate partners or family members, in order to avoid potential unwanted desires.  Lustful glances to those of the opposite sex, young or adult, are also prohibited. This means that eye contact between any man and woman is allowed only for a second or two. This is a must in most Islamic schools, with some exceptions depending on the case, like when teaching, testifying, or looking at a girl for marriage. If allowed, it is only allowed under the general rule: "No-Desire", clean eye-contact. Otherwise, it is not allowed, and considered "adultery of the eyes".

For instance, when my roommate and I were in the market for an apartment, when met with a real estate agent to look at another possible apartment. Our other Fulbrighter, Nick, came along as well as a male university representative. The real estate agent got into the car, greeted the men and completely ignored us. No hello. No hand shake. Even though we were the ones buying the apartment! When the real estate agent spoke he spoke to Nick or our university rep. Never us. Even when touring the apartment he wouldn't make eye contact with me. I became so irked that I stared at him...convinced if I stared long enough he'd have no choice but to look at me. Wrong. Only at one point, when I directly addressed him, did he look at me, and it was literally for a second. At the end of our meeting he departed with farewells to the men. Tas and I were not included. I was irked. Our amazingly sweet Turkish girlfriends explained to us, "when a man is there, he is in charge." That pretty much sums it up.