One thing I have done in Israel more than I ever have before- assess my feelings. About people, about myself, about the world, what people think of me. I’m not sure how much I like it, to be honest. I don’t know how people spend so much time contemplating their feelings. The more I assess, the more confused I become.
For example, for a long time, I really didn’t care what people thought of me. Maybe even to a fault. Then, I began to think, well, maybe I should. Not because their opinion of me is what I should think, but rather, to do a kind of qualitative self-analysis, to more or less review how I come off to the world. I usually care only about the opinions of people whom I respect. But, it is interesting anyways to look at a variety of opinions.
Maybe we ignore more of the bad things about ourselves because we surround ourselves with people who like us. Okay, so now imagine that is not the case. Surround yourself with people who don’t particularly care for you- not hate you per se, but you just aren’t their cup of tea. Now, surrounded by all of these people, you start to question yourself. Why don’t certain people like you? Is each person only supposed to have so many best friends in a lifetime? Is it important to develop strong relationships with a few people or have more people, overall like you? Should you care if people like you? Is it possible that people you get along with, that they bring out the best in you and that is why you’re friends? Or perhaps there is a subconscious affinity of some personality types to others? Now, I sit here thinking about all these questions, and have no answer. (Unless I decide to do a thesis in psychology, which is highly unlikely). Now I am left with more musings. I don’t know how introverts do it. All of this emotional thinking makes my brain hurt! (ironically)
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